The Blind Spots
The ashes of broken relationship you might discover new truths about yourself which you never would have known otherwise. Now every relationship whether it’s long or short casual or committed has blind spots. Some are small and insignificant maybe you don’t notice how messy your partner is or how bad of a dancer they are.
But the other blind spots are huge like realizing your partner doesn’t trust or respect you. Now you’d think that you’d spot that kind of problem but you might not and here’s why relationships create their own little bubble and inside that bubble you may never notice your partner’s flaws. Even if you do you might pretend they don’t bother you after all you’ve gotten used to a certain dynamic between you and your partner. It’s normal and its comfortable you don’t want to ruin it but the truth is it isn’t doing you any favors its actually keeping you from recognizing issues that seem obvious to everyone else.
You and your partner might fight all the time you might be struggling at work because your partner’s dragging you down but in your little bubble everything still seems fine. Breakups are often the wake-up call you need a broken heart pops your relationship bubble and reveals your blind spots. And then suddenly you realize maybe for the very first time how many things you don’t like about your partner and when you put yourself back out there. Those realizations will come in handy they hope you put the past behind you and it gives you a better idea of what kind of relationship you really want.
The Relationship Checklist
Once you have figured out your blind spots you have the tools to make something called a relationship checklist these are all the essential things that you want in your next relationship. But keep in mind that I said your next relationship not your next partner break up a lot of people try to make a partner checklist instead they list out everything they want in their next significant other.
They say they want someone smart funny and confident or someone who loves the outdoors but these partner checklists don’t work in fact they hurt far more than they help. No one really knows what kind of person is going to make them happy you may be looking for one thing and then fall in love someone who’s completely different.
Don’t try to pick the person you fall for that’s just not something you can control but you can influence the way you treat each other and what boundaries you have as a couple that’s why relationship checklist so much more effective. So list out everything big and small that you want make sure you think back on the lessons that you learned from past relationships. Remember your blind spots and stop yourself from running into those same obstacles.
Now you’d be surprised how many people are continuously unhappy in their relationships and all because they didn’t learn from past mistakes.
Carrying your weight
How much weight should you carry in your relationship how do you know when you’re doing too much you’re doing too little. If you’re new to relationships these can be really scary questions when you understood it you could make your partner feel neglected. But when you overshoot it they might feel some other so where you draw the line.
How do you find the perfect balance this is one of the most important lessons that a broken heart teaches you. You need that experience to learn your role in the relationship it gives you a better idea of what to expect from your partner and what to expect from yourself.
The Dangers of Enmeshment
Now most people have experienced this without every knowing it had a name its especially common among young relationship and is often the main reason that they fall apart so what is in measurement well in simple terms it’s the idea that a relationship should be all-encompassing. In other words when you fall in love with someone the two of you should merge together into eternally happy couple.
Now I am sure you’ve heard the concept of the one before many people believe that there’s only one perfect person in the world who you’re meant to share everything with. Whether or not that’s true I can’t say but I can say that a lack of boundaries can destroy even the most promising connections. A broken heart teaches you to avoid enmeshment because you probably fell into this trap yourself.
Its an immature and unhealthy way of framing your relationship just like in the movie you watch on Movie Hustle. Every couple needs things like boundaries personal space and external friendships. You need to have a life outside of your partner no matter how long you’ve been together. Breakups remind you how important it is to be an individual first and a couple second.